Imagine a rabbit. The rabbit is sitting in a field and hears the sound of something approaching. It begins to tense up and is highly aware of its surroundings. It’s ready to jump or run in an instant. Have you felt this way before? Just like the rabbit, when we feel like something threatening is about to happen, we feel anxious and ready to run. Now imagine that the rabbit discovers that what it heard is a fox. It's running at full speed, heart racing, gripped by fear. This is still anxiety, but more intense, and you may have felt this way before too. Now let's imagine that the rabbit is cornered. It thinks that the situation is hopeless, and it has no way to escape. It feels frozen, maybe emotionally numb and distant, or crushing despair. This is depression, and it's what we feel when we have thoughts that convince us that there’s no way out, that things are hopeless.

We share the same parts of the brain as the rabbit that produce depression and anxiety. Just like any other animal, we feel depression and anxiety when we have particularly threatening thoughts. The only difference is that our thoughts are far more complex. We have a variety of essential needs that may be threatened. We need to be loved, cared for, liked, and respected. We need to grow, feel satisfied, and accomplish our goals. We need to feel free, have fun, and enjoy life. Thoughts that convince us that one or many of these needs will not be met, either now or in the future, make us feel anxious (afraid/helpless/worried) or depressed (hopeless/despair). When these needs are threatened, we have the same reactions that the rabbit in the field does.

We’ve all been there at some point. Hopeless thoughts stuck in our minds, repeating themselves over and over again. That crushing heavy feeling and anything happy seems so far away. We may feel sad, numb, or disinterested in things we used to care about. This feeling is depression, and it’s normal. While it may not be as common as stress, anger, or sadness, depression is just another emotion we all feel.

People typically feel depressed when they have a hopeless thought. This thought can be about themselves, the world, or their future. For example, “I am worthless” (self) or “I will always be alone” (future) or “everything is disappointing” (the world). These thoughts may be very obvious or lurking in the back of our minds. It can be difficult to identify the thoughts that are making you feel depressed, but a therapist can help you learn to be more aware of and in control of your thoughts. A good therapist will also help you to consider where these thoughts come from, and how you can change them to feel like yourself again.

Being in a state of anxiety feels awful. It seems impossible to relax, our stomachs may be a mess, our head pounding, muscles tense or shaking, and our thoughts are either bouncing around our mind or are completely unclear to us. It just feels like everything is falling apart, or about to be awful. This helpless feeling stems from our thoughts as well. Remember that rabbit that hears the sound of a predator, or sees a fox? Just like the rabbit, when we feel anxious, our mind is perceiving a threat to our needs and survival. A therapist can help you identify what your mind is reacting to, and why it is so afraid. If we can understand why the mind feels so helpless, we can learn to change our way of thinking, and eventually feel calm and confident.

At night, we are the perfect combination of tired and undistracted. Remember that depression and anxiety, like all other emotions, come from our thoughts. When a hopeless thought pops into our head during the day, it may not linger for very long. We might feel a bit down for a moment but then be distracted by something else happening in our day. The upsetting thought may disappear entirely, or linger in the back of our minds without being noticed.

When the evening comes, we are far less likely to be engaged in activities, or distracted by other things. If a depressing thought returns at night (whether noticeable or hiding in the back of our mind) we are far more likely to linger on it. One thought can spiral into a variety of other even more upsetting thoughts, or a single idea can replay over and over in our mind, worsening our emotions. This is called ruminating, and it is the biggest reason why we tend to have more upsetting thoughts and emotions at night. A variety of other factors - like exhaustion and our sleep cycle - may make the problem worse, by making it difficult for us to think about things from a more helpful angle. When we ruminate, we tunnel vision, meaning that we are thinking about a particular idea, and not considering any other possible ideas or solutions.

Imagine you are pacing around a room, and you want to escape. You keep banging on the door over and over again, but it won’t open. If you found a key, you could walk right out. Rumination is just like pacing around that room. You can try to distract yourself or tell yourself that everything will be ok, but the reality is you won’t feel better until you find the key that soothes the upsetting thoughts. Just like everyone is unique, so are our upsetting thoughts. They come from our past experiences, personalities, and unique situations. To calm your upsetting thoughts, we first need to truly understand them and where they come from. This is why self-help books and advice rarely work; they assume that your problems are universal and everyone can have the same solution.

A therapist can ask you questions to help you explore your thoughts and where they come from. Working together, a therapist can help you challenge your depressed and anxious thoughts so that you can eventually learn to find calm and peace on your own. Learning to overcome depression and anxiety is just like learning to do anything else. It takes patient, self-compassionate practice. And, it is far easier with the help of a professional.

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